O death, where is your victory?

I want to apologize for not blogging as often as I planned or would've liked to. I owe all of you an update on how and what I am feeling and what it is that I'm up to. I guess part of it is I don't really know what to blog about because life in Kenya has just become the norm. I will try and highlight certain events over the past 3 months that have impacted me and shaped my heart the most. For those of you that have been praying for you, I wish there were words to fully express my gratitude.

Moments after she squeezed
my finger for the last time

Life is so very,very precious. Unfortunately that is a lesson only learned through pain and suffering. Early in March we had an orphan from the baby center, Ruth, come to Tenwek because she was throwing up bile. She arrived on a Saturday. They did emergency surgery for an obstructed bowel the same day of her arrival and she coded once during surgery, but was revived. For the next four days Amy and I switched on and off sitting by her in the ICU. During those four days she coded twice more (if I remember correctly) and endured two more surgeries. Through all of that she continued to fight for her little life with the help of a ventilator. On Tuesday morning I felt her squeeze my thumb and our hopes began to rise and we continued to pray fervently for God to keep her here.

When she squeezed my finger that morning I didn't imagine it might be the last time I would feel her little fingers squeeze mine. 

Baby Ruthie

Ruthie couldn't regulate her body temperature and was unable to breathe without a ventilator. We had a reversal medicine driven to Tenwek from Nairobi hospital that was supposed to pull her out of the coma she was in. Before we gave it to her one of the surgeons reminded us to continue to put our faith and trust in God and not in the medicine. This was a good reminder that God is in control. After the medicine failed we took that as a sign from God that he had different plans for her life than we hoped for. By Thursday morning the director of the baby center made the decision to let her go. She was taken off the vent and peacefully went to be with Jesus.

I naively kept thinking to myself, "How can God be glorified through the death of a one year old?" 

Little did I know that the answer to my question would swiftly be answered sooner than I would have preferred. 

I know I am not the first person to blog about this nor do my story telling skills really do the testimony justice so I will give you a brief summary of what happened then direct you to two different blogs that will give you a better understanding of how God turned a tragedy into not just one, but many miracles that have so eloquently showcased God's glory. 

The Kelley family moved to Tenwek around the beginning of February. Aaron is an ER doctor and Stephanie stayed home with their four children, Hannah- 1, Levi-2, Jacob-4 and Noah is 7 years old. God spoke to them before their trip and told them that if they chose to obey his calling on their lives and become missionaries in Kenya that they would suffer a great loss, but through that loss God would be glorified and their faith would be strengthened. 

The Kelley kids (photo taken when they first arrived in Kenya)

Their daughter Hannah (what a great name) had not been adjusting to the move very well. She wouldn't eat much and whatever she did eat she usually threw up. After this persisted Stephanie began to worry. Around 2 am on a Sunday morning Amy came into my room and told me that baby Hannah had stopped breathing. From that moment on the rest of the week is a huge blur of prayer, tears and chaos. One minute baby Hannah was having trouble adjusting to her new environment within moments doctors had discovered a massive tumor in her brain. She was immediately rushed to Kijabe hospital about 2 hours away where one of the worlds most renowned pediatric brain surgeons was located. God knew exactly what he was doing. The whole 2 hour long, extremely bumpy trip, Hannah laid in the back of an ambulance being bagged, because she couldn't breathe on her own, with some of Tenwek hospital's finest nurses, doctors and surgeons. The surgery went smoothly but Hannah was still in ICU unable to breathe on her own. Eventually her ability to monitor her body temp dissipated. Sometime in the morning, exactly one week after Ruthie died, Aaron and Stephanie had to say goodbye to their little princess. Now that you know of baby Hannah and her story it would be a mistake to not take the time to read both Aaron and Stephanie's blogs. They have truly become my faith heroes. 

http://www.aaroninkenya.com/

http://mrskelleyinkenya.wordpress.com/

Baby Hannah and I (photograph by Ellie)

Baby Hannah down by the river a few weeks before she got sick)

This is not Ruthie's story, but the way God used Hannah's short, sweet life and the way he used her death to touch lives around the world led me to dig a little deeper and search for God's blessings that I knew from the bottom of my heart were there. Not only did I find blessings, but I made discoveries, found joy, peace and convictions. 



Through spending so much time at the hospital I discovered that I love caring and praying for sick patients. I found myself constantly watching the doctors and (mainly) the nurses and attempting to memorize what they do, how they do,and lending a helping hand wherever I could. This had led me (once again) that nursing school might be in my future. It something I am still praying about, but I am definitely seriously considering the option.

I found joy in knowing that both Ruthie and Hannah were up in heave ting on Jesus's lap sucking their thumbs and giggling. And an unexplainable peace that despite the pain and sorrow felt by everyone around me, God's purpose was being fulfilled. 

I was convicted. So often I have taken my life and the lives of those around me for granted. So often I have questioned my life and the purpose God has for me. I found truth through the grief and sense of loss I was feeling. God reminded me that every single human soul on this planet has a purpose, every single one. Whether they are on this earth for 1 year or 100 years, God has a beautiful plan for their life. 

I continued to return to this scripture:

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.” “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 

- 1 Corinthians 15:54-58 

I felt theses words echo truth through to the bottom of my heart and soul. Through all of this I've learned to trust God even when I really, really don't understand his plan. For his ways are higher than my ways and his thoughts higher than my thoughts. 

There are still moments when I am struck with grief and my heart breaks over and over again for Aaron, Stephanie, and their boys and their loss. But my heart is also encouraged when I think about their testimony of the greatness and abundance of God's love. My heart is consumed through and through with joy when I imagine baby Hannah and Ruthie waddling towards Jesus' open arms and plopping on his lap, their high pitched laughter resounding and both of them sucking their thumbs as they fall asleep in His arms surrounded by unfathomable love.