You are my sunshine

Esther Gloria is the youngest Bemm child. I have been blessed to witness her personality blossom in the past few months. For a long time she was described as a quiet, bump on the log. Although she still won't miss an opportunity to sit on someone's lap and snuggle, she is much more vocal and has turned into a complete goofball.  She is always singing, she is ticklish all over and has the best belly laugh. She is the definition of Mommy's little helper; and unless she is in cahoots with her brother and sister she is very obedient and loves to make people smile. She is my saving grace between the three midgets always loving on you when you need it most, or disrupting the chaos with a funny comment. We gave her the nickname babushka, because she tends to show some grandma like qualities in the way she walks and talks and how she loves her sleep. Her goofiness comes out in very few words and lots of giggles and is very spontaneous; but her timing is always perfect. At nap time she is always the first one in bed, sometimes even skipping her lunch and going right to sleep (while unfortunately the other two seem to be weening off of naps, yikes!). Esther is our accessory queen. When she is sitting on your lap she will play with your necklace and earrings, ask to braid your hair, and she always has to carry a purse. She loves wearing bracelets, shoes, and she loves to have her nails painted. She changes her shoes about 10 times a day and most of the shoes she wears are not hers and extremely big for her. This causes her to trip and fall multiple times throughout the day which brings about the need for a bandaid whether there is actually blood or not. 

Caught in mid-giggle

Our accessory queen being a total goofball

Ellie is the second youngest. Her real name is Elizabeth Mercy, but we call her Ellie (which is very fitting to the little person she is becoming.) Although she is older than Esther she is much smaller in size. When I think about words to describe Ellie the words spunky, feisty, energetic, mischievous, and smart come to my mind. She is a thinker and a quick learner, always picking up new concepts and ideas. Ellie is full of energy and spunk. She is constantly moving, running, dancing or flipping. When you go to tuck her into bed at night you almost always find her upside doing a headstand. She loves to climb, hang on my back and be flipped upside down. She is a complete monkey. Ellie has a high pitched giggle and is one of the best snugglers I know. She knows exactly how to get under her brother and sister's skin and when caught in the act has a fairly convincing innocent smile. She loves to sneak off to the Kelley's house and play with Baby Hannah's toys all by herself. Although, she loves her alone time she is quite the conversationalist. She just talks and talks and talks, then pauses to take a breath, and then talks some more. When Ellie talks, if it weren't for her squeaky little voice one might assume that it is an adult talking and not a toddler. She has a very large vocabulary for her little three year old self. She also loves to sneak off and usually eat or drink something she is not supposed to. Just the other day we were all outside and Ellie went inside to go to the bathroom. After she was gone for longer than it should take for someone to use the bathroom I went inside to check on her. I found her under the dining room table with her hand in a huge tub of cheese balls and cheese all over her face and fingers. When I asked what she was doing she just smiled at me and took another bite. She is the cheese ball queen. I find that she is the hardest one to reprimand because she is just so cute, even when she cries.

Enjoying some alone time reading a book

The cheeseball queen

Shadrach is the oldest of the midgets. I am forced to adjust to the way a toddler boy shows love as opposed to the girls. When Ellie or Esther want to show me that they love me they usually grab onto my leg or crawl on my lap. Although, Shaddie does this too sometimes, most of time he shows his love with a head butt or a punch in the leg around 7 in the morning. Behind the head butting he has a sweet, tender heart and is constantly looking out for his younger sisters. Shaddie is very protective of Esther and Ellie. He is very animated when he speaks and we are fairly convinced he will be a comedian when he gets older. It's not in just what he says, but also in how he says it and the delivery. He loves to play with trucks, motorcycles and trains just like any other 3 year old boy; but we also often catch him wearing his sister's bathing suits, dresses and asks to have his nails painted. We are convinced he needs another brother to toughen him up. For now, Levi Kelley (the youngest Kelley boy) is assigned to that job. He is very particular and detail oriented. If something is not the way he likes it he voices his     opinion, usually pretty loudly and multiple times. As mentioned before he loves car, specifically riding in our big car. He talks about everyone's car on the compound and always asks to ride in everyones car. He loves sitting in the car, even if we aren't going anywhere. As soon as you get him into the car he is a non-stop jabber jaws. He talks and talks and talks. The WHOLE entire car ride.  But he always smiles at you and tells you he loves you at just the right moment.

Shaddie driving, heaven on earth for him

He wasn't really sure what to do with another boy around
the compound but they are definitely buds now

Hannah is the fourth youngest; we like to call her the tall midget. Hannah is very independent and adventurous; and sometimes these qualities get her into a little bit of trouble. Such as climbing up too high in a tree and getting stuck. Like Ellie, she is full of energy and always on the move. She was a pretty chubby baby but has long since outgrown that. She is now skin and bones and has an impeccable speed for a six year old, which I suppose is a given because she's Kenyan. She has a very compassionate heart. If she sees that someone is upset she immediately feels their pain and tries to comfort them. She doesn't like it when people are sad and certainly hates to see people upset. Not only does she sympathize with people in pain, but also in joy. She has a contagious laugh that echoes throughout the house and even the compound. She loves to share with everyone. Anytime someone gives something to her or shares with her, she turns right around and shares with someone else. She has a sweet tooth just like her mommy; which is evident by the crumbs and wrappers you often find in her bed. She is outgoing and quick to make friends. It seems to me like she is friends with everyone in the neighborhood, no matter who they are. Hannah has a knack for art and math and tends to combine the two. When she does her schoolwork you tend to find more drawings on her paper than answers to math problems. She is very gifted artistically and creative. In the mornings, when mostly everyone is asleep she can be found in the basement do some  craft or another. Being six years old and given her personality she is distracted very easily. After her schoolwork is done she shows up at the house for meal time and bed time. Other than that, we don't see much of her during the day because she is out running around.

Caught at home helping me make bruschetta
A very rare occurrence

Hannah getting ready to decorate the cross
at the sunrise Easter service

One of my favorite pictures ever.
This captures her personality perfectly

Lydia Joy is 12 going on 20. I promise you, she looks older and grows more everyday. She is loud and feisty and loves to cuddle with her younger siblings as well as agitate them. When we were at the beach a month or so ago, I watched her splash and jump through the waves as she galloped along the shoreline. I remember being envious at her ability to be so playful and so in love with life. Lydia is not afraid to be her own person and speak her mind. She has a great imagination and doesn't necessarily like to read, but loves to be read to. She is outgoing, loves to laugh and makes friends easily. She has a caring heart for babies, children and children with special needs. Although she seems feisty at times, she has a way of comforting you and making you feel loved when you need it the most.  She loves to care for people and animals and knows exactly what kind of little actions or things to say that can turn your day upright. As she continues to grow, it has been amazing to watch her discover who she is as a daughter of the King. Along with Hannah and her mom, she has a sweet tooth;and you can tell by the large bags of candy and Cheetohs she has stashed away in her closet. She won't admit to you that she likes school, but you can tell that she does by how hard she tries to do her best in everything. She is strong-willed and determined in everything she sets her mind to. When I watch her ripstick up and down the hallway or make a funny music video, it makes me miss being 12 years old and care free. I pray everyday that as she discovers who she is in Christ and continues to grow that she will never lose her sense of adventure and she would fall even more deeply in love with life and with Jesus. Over the past couple months she has dealt with some very painful deaths. She taught me to find the joy in pain. She showed me that it was okay to cry, but it was also okay to be joyful even in suffering. I witnessed God stretch her and shape her heart as she relied on God for strength instead of herself. Over the past four months she has become my little sister in the way she loves on and also the way she gets under my skin. We bicker at each other, wrestle with each other, nap together, and we love making cookies. She reminds me daily to enjoy each and every moment.

Just one of the many abandoned babies that Lydia has
cared for and loved on>

Being goofy 

 Each one of these kids has touched my heart in a very special and unique way and I cannot possibly imagine my life without them. Thy shine Jesus' light on me daily and remind me what it means to be a child of God. They remind me how blessed I am to be here with them just living life. I dread the day when we will have to be separated by oceans and countries. Fortunately, that day is a long way off but I know it will creep up on me quicker than preferred. I know in my heart, even if it doesn't quite make sense in my head, that when that day comes God will be right beside me holding my hand and assuring me that everything will in fact be okay, because he is my Father and he cares for me (another statement I am continuously discovering new depths of everyday.)

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

-Matthew 6:33-34

Here are just a few snapshots of some of the things we do on a daily basis. 

The kids and I love to sit outside in the sun and
have a picnic lunch!

Visit the waterfall and play in the water!

Midgets helping me do dishes... 

Pizza Friday!

Toga Party.. 

One of my personal favorites, feeding the turtles!

  

Playing with home made playdough!

Making brownies for mom on Mother's day!

Taste testing the cookie dough 

Making play dough!

Just being goobers

Going for a swim in our yittle pool

The whole neighborhood found their way into the kitchen
to taste test the cookie dough

Jumping in the bouncy house at another boy's birthday party
Bet you didn't think we had such awesome
birthday parties in Africa

Superheroe sighting at Tenwek
Who the masked men are, we may never know

Okay, just one more introduction... This is Walker (Walker Wookers.) He really belongs to another missionary family on the compound, the Manchesters, but the Bemms have been taking care of him while they're on furlough. He is by far one of my favorite dogs ever (just behind my dogs Rocket and Lola who will always be tied for my absolute favorite.) He is the funniest dog and makes many facial expressions with his cute little eyebrows. A lot of people say he is fat and funny looking but we must remember that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. First of all,  If you can look at that face and tell me he is not one of the most adorable dogs you've ever seen, you're lying through your teeth. Walker loves to go on walks. Every time I go to someone's house he follows along and walks right into the house, inspects it to make sure everything is safe, and then sits at my feet and takes a nap. In the morning when I am running on the treadmill I leave the basement door open and he comes waltzing right in and talks to me. And when I say talks to me, I really mean it. One of our favorite things to do together is sit outside and star gaze at night. Most of the people in the house are usually asleep and I run upstairs and let him out and we go sit in the grass and snuggle. I am definite going to experience some separation anxiety when it's time for me to return to the states and I have to leave him behind. He is my best bud. 

A little bit of coffee and a lot of Jesus

Many of you may be wondering what a day in the life of Hannah Smiley looks like. I have to say, although there is a little bit of routine to follow from day to day, every day is different. Everyday has its good moments and bad moments, but everyday is guaranteed to be filled with (if only the slightest bit) frustration, anxiety, joy, exhaustion, laughter, goofiness, energy, and there is not a day that goes by that I do not feel like God has me right where he wants me. I want to tell you that I always have that "on fire for Jesus, bring it on" kind of attitude. I want to tell you that I never feel overwhelmed, frustrated or lose my temper, but that simply is not the truth. Contrary to popular belief, I am not a super hero. 

My morning usually consists of waking up, exercising (if I'm up on time), shower and breakfast. While Amy does school with little Hannah I usually have some kind of unconventional preschool lesson or activity with the midgets, and by midgets I mean Shaddie, Ellie and Esther. 

Left to Right: Esther, Ellie Shaddie

Up until recently I was teaching Lydia (Amy's 12 year old) math at 9 until Aunt Stephanie (Kelley) stepped in and graciously took over. She is most definitely a much better math teacher than I am seeing as she has a college degree. For the rest of the morning I'm usually running around outside with all the midgets, I mean children, on the compound. Sometimes I attempt to take a book and my coffee out and sit peacefully in the sun. Take note of the word 'attempt.' The word peaceful is a long forgotten term, which I honestly don't mind. I tend to thrive in chaos, sometimes. As you can imagine I get about one page read before I am summoned by someone or another. Fortunately, I do have moments where I am able to take a much needed sip of coffee. Coffee was already very important to my level of function on a daily basis, it has now become a vital necessity. Between Amy and I (and Chuck's one cup in the morning) we go through a minimum of five pounds of coffee a month, about two pots a day...

Then at noon Amy takes over the midgets and I get to teach a class called readers to all the 5-8 year olds on the compound. In this class I just read a book out loud to them while they listen, color and sometimes have a snack. We just started reading the Chronicles of Narnia and sometimes I think I enjoy the class more than they do.  

Ellie and Esther helping me make pizza!

After class lunch is usually ready or almost ready so we sit down to eat and (depending on his workload) Chuck will make it home for lunch. You're probably wondering what we eat for lunch around here... Well today for lunch I had a falafel salad with spinach and tomatoes along with seven layer taco dip and tortilla chips. We are having hamburgers for dinner tonight and tomorrow night we will have pizza. We eat just about everything around here, in the morning either Amy or I (mostly Amy because I have made the discovery that I hate meal planning and would rather have cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner, but we don't have cereal around here because Chuck won't buy the cereal for $12 a box...why this is? I have no idea...) browse through one of her recipe books and choose something for our house helper, Hannah, to cook. Also, we always have baked goods or some kind of sweet in the house which I'm sure looks rather nice around my thighs... 

After lunch is one of my favorite parts of the day, drum roll please.... NAP TIME. Don't get me wrong, I love my midgets but three (or more toddlers, usually more) against two gets more exhausting than one may anticipate. Everyday I praise The Lord for nap time. I don't always nap but it is about as quiet as the house gets before bedtime. 

Playing some soccer!

Tuesdays and Thursdays at 2:15 while the midgets are napping, I teach the MK gym class!! We play a lot of soccer and kickball and if the Kenyans are off school we usually end up with 3 times as many players as we started with. With my God given energy I usually get into the games a little bit. 

The whole neighborhood enjoying yogo
 ice on our front steps!

Everyday after nap Amy and I sit out on the steps of the front porch and have Kenya's version of a freezie pop--nnnyogo ice (as Ellie would pronounce it, it's actually just yogo ice.) At first I was a little uneasy about the yogo ice because I love my freezie pops, but surprisingly they've really grown on me. And by 'they have grown on me' I mean I can't go a day without at least eating one... 

Afternoons tend to vary a little more than the mornings because school is over. Amy and I spend a lot of afternoons outside riding our wittle bikes. Okay, we don't ride wittle bikes, but the midgets ride theirs. It is currently the rainy season so there are a lot of rainy after noons. If it isn't too cold, sometimes we play outside in the rain. Most of the time though we end up inside all snuggled up on the couch with an oovie (movie) or somesing yike dat... 

Ellie and Shaddie going
for a ride in the car

Ellie riding her yittle bike

As you can see, I have a pretty normal daily routine. Some days are better than others, but all are God given and I know if I just open my eyes and look I can find blessings in each and everyday.

Just hanging with my buddy Levi

Although most of my days are kind of normal there are many bits and pieces of my day that are not so normal compared to life in the States. 

 I named him Leo.

One evening as I was getting ready for bed I just happened to find a chameleon sitting on my pillow (placed there by Amy...) Then just the other day I looked up and saw another one hanging from my strand of Christmas lights. I'm assuming that this doesn't happen to you very often.

Wing tailed centipede found in the basement

Another evening I was downstairs in the basement cleaning up the toys. You guys know those little rubber bugs? Well, I was bending down to pick up what I thought was one of those. Then it wiggled and crawled across the floor. I screamed and called for Mom, Amy. After we photographed it she picked it up with toilet paper and carried it to the bathroom (dropping it a few times causing us to squeal before we saw the last of that ugly thing.)

That same evening as I was stepping into my bathroom to brush my teeth, something fell on my head. As you may be well aware of, I tend to startle really easily and thinking the worst I screamed (fortunately I didn't wake any midgets up.) I jumped back and searched for what fell on my head fortunately it was only this little guy...

Just a cute little gecko

Amy came when she heard the scream to make sure I was alright, fortunately it was just a false alarm. 

A similar facial expression one may witness
while Chuck is battling with technology.

In the evenings, when all is quiet round the house there is one noise you can almost always here, Chuck arguing with technology. "Unbelievable!" "Oh, this thing is ridiculous!" I have never seen him more angry than when he is dealing with the iPad or his cell phone. His frustration is hysterical. Eventually Amy and I do our best to help him and ease his frustration, but of course only after we have had our fill of laughter. I suppose you could say that "first world problems" can even occur in third world countries. 

Ellie stealing my passion fruit, as per usual.

Every morning someone brings our eggs and our milk to our back door. I'm sure when we return to the states Amy will struggle with the fact that we will have to go out and buy our own eggs and milk... Also, the amount of fresh, delicious and cheap fruits and veggies available is amazing. Let me try and make your mouth water a little bit, avacado for fresh guacamole, juicy mango, passion fruit, the little bananas you have ever tasted. Just to name a few.




I'm fairly positive most of you have not spent your evenings attempting to extract scabies from your arm so you could look at the mite under a microscope...

I promise, we're normal people.

Many moments of my day catch me off guard and take my breath away. Sometimes when I am snuggling on the couch with Esther watching an oovie, sometimes when I take a good look at the beauty around me, not just in the landscape, but in the people, both Kenyans and missionaries. The best way to describe my everyday life is stuck in the frailty of my humanness, broken and relying on God's will and turning to Him for my strength instead of relying on my own. I don't always do what is right. I don't always have the best attitude. I would like to think that I am always trying my best to serve Jesus, but there are definitely some days where I could do a lot better. I am not doing anything amazing or incredible, God is though, and I am so unbelievably blessed that He is using me in many small and big ways.

View of the yard

Baby Andrew squeezing my thumb

Visiting and praying with patients
at the hospital.

O death, where is your victory?

I want to apologize for not blogging as often as I planned or would've liked to. I owe all of you an update on how and what I am feeling and what it is that I'm up to. I guess part of it is I don't really know what to blog about because life in Kenya has just become the norm. I will try and highlight certain events over the past 3 months that have impacted me and shaped my heart the most. For those of you that have been praying for you, I wish there were words to fully express my gratitude.

Moments after she squeezed
my finger for the last time

Life is so very,very precious. Unfortunately that is a lesson only learned through pain and suffering. Early in March we had an orphan from the baby center, Ruth, come to Tenwek because she was throwing up bile. She arrived on a Saturday. They did emergency surgery for an obstructed bowel the same day of her arrival and she coded once during surgery, but was revived. For the next four days Amy and I switched on and off sitting by her in the ICU. During those four days she coded twice more (if I remember correctly) and endured two more surgeries. Through all of that she continued to fight for her little life with the help of a ventilator. On Tuesday morning I felt her squeeze my thumb and our hopes began to rise and we continued to pray fervently for God to keep her here.

When she squeezed my finger that morning I didn't imagine it might be the last time I would feel her little fingers squeeze mine. 

Baby Ruthie

Ruthie couldn't regulate her body temperature and was unable to breathe without a ventilator. We had a reversal medicine driven to Tenwek from Nairobi hospital that was supposed to pull her out of the coma she was in. Before we gave it to her one of the surgeons reminded us to continue to put our faith and trust in God and not in the medicine. This was a good reminder that God is in control. After the medicine failed we took that as a sign from God that he had different plans for her life than we hoped for. By Thursday morning the director of the baby center made the decision to let her go. She was taken off the vent and peacefully went to be with Jesus.

I naively kept thinking to myself, "How can God be glorified through the death of a one year old?" 

Little did I know that the answer to my question would swiftly be answered sooner than I would have preferred. 

I know I am not the first person to blog about this nor do my story telling skills really do the testimony justice so I will give you a brief summary of what happened then direct you to two different blogs that will give you a better understanding of how God turned a tragedy into not just one, but many miracles that have so eloquently showcased God's glory. 

The Kelley family moved to Tenwek around the beginning of February. Aaron is an ER doctor and Stephanie stayed home with their four children, Hannah- 1, Levi-2, Jacob-4 and Noah is 7 years old. God spoke to them before their trip and told them that if they chose to obey his calling on their lives and become missionaries in Kenya that they would suffer a great loss, but through that loss God would be glorified and their faith would be strengthened. 

The Kelley kids (photo taken when they first arrived in Kenya)

Their daughter Hannah (what a great name) had not been adjusting to the move very well. She wouldn't eat much and whatever she did eat she usually threw up. After this persisted Stephanie began to worry. Around 2 am on a Sunday morning Amy came into my room and told me that baby Hannah had stopped breathing. From that moment on the rest of the week is a huge blur of prayer, tears and chaos. One minute baby Hannah was having trouble adjusting to her new environment within moments doctors had discovered a massive tumor in her brain. She was immediately rushed to Kijabe hospital about 2 hours away where one of the worlds most renowned pediatric brain surgeons was located. God knew exactly what he was doing. The whole 2 hour long, extremely bumpy trip, Hannah laid in the back of an ambulance being bagged, because she couldn't breathe on her own, with some of Tenwek hospital's finest nurses, doctors and surgeons. The surgery went smoothly but Hannah was still in ICU unable to breathe on her own. Eventually her ability to monitor her body temp dissipated. Sometime in the morning, exactly one week after Ruthie died, Aaron and Stephanie had to say goodbye to their little princess. Now that you know of baby Hannah and her story it would be a mistake to not take the time to read both Aaron and Stephanie's blogs. They have truly become my faith heroes. 

http://www.aaroninkenya.com/

http://mrskelleyinkenya.wordpress.com/

Baby Hannah and I (photograph by Ellie)

Baby Hannah down by the river a few weeks before she got sick)

This is not Ruthie's story, but the way God used Hannah's short, sweet life and the way he used her death to touch lives around the world led me to dig a little deeper and search for God's blessings that I knew from the bottom of my heart were there. Not only did I find blessings, but I made discoveries, found joy, peace and convictions. 



Through spending so much time at the hospital I discovered that I love caring and praying for sick patients. I found myself constantly watching the doctors and (mainly) the nurses and attempting to memorize what they do, how they do,and lending a helping hand wherever I could. This had led me (once again) that nursing school might be in my future. It something I am still praying about, but I am definitely seriously considering the option.

I found joy in knowing that both Ruthie and Hannah were up in heave ting on Jesus's lap sucking their thumbs and giggling. And an unexplainable peace that despite the pain and sorrow felt by everyone around me, God's purpose was being fulfilled. 

I was convicted. So often I have taken my life and the lives of those around me for granted. So often I have questioned my life and the purpose God has for me. I found truth through the grief and sense of loss I was feeling. God reminded me that every single human soul on this planet has a purpose, every single one. Whether they are on this earth for 1 year or 100 years, God has a beautiful plan for their life. 

I continued to return to this scripture:

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.” “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 

- 1 Corinthians 15:54-58 

I felt theses words echo truth through to the bottom of my heart and soul. Through all of this I've learned to trust God even when I really, really don't understand his plan. For his ways are higher than my ways and his thoughts higher than my thoughts. 

There are still moments when I am struck with grief and my heart breaks over and over again for Aaron, Stephanie, and their boys and their loss. But my heart is also encouraged when I think about their testimony of the greatness and abundance of God's love. My heart is consumed through and through with joy when I imagine baby Hannah and Ruthie waddling towards Jesus' open arms and plopping on his lap, their high pitched laughter resounding and both of them sucking their thumbs as they fall asleep in His arms surrounded by unfathomable love.