The Adoption Story

How God intertwined the paths of two very sick little girls and a family living to serve God and how his grace brought them to where they are today. Robin can remember the exact moment that, unknown to her, her world would never be the same. She told me that she was scraping rocks around the outside of their concrete home in rural Kenya when her husband Cary came out and told her that he needed to talk to her. Their stories became one on June 23^rd, 2011 and from that day neither of their lives would be the same. All of their lives could’ve turned out dramatically different. One may have been cut short while the other, if she survived, would live in poverty for the rest of her life. Every time someone asks Robin about their adoption adventure her eyes fill with tears when she talks about how these little girls have blessed her life and changed her heart for the better. She tells me frequently that she could not imagine her life without them and although it has been a difficult process she wouldn’t want it any other way. Two years after their lives intersected for the first time they are waiting to hear if their adoption case will be approved and these sweet girls will be a part of their forever family. In the meantime, they are just taking it one day at a time.

As I am writing this Kenzy and Kacey are chasing after my little sister, Lydia, growling, squealing and laughing. Their little voices can be heard throughout the whole house. They are both at the age where a toddler begins to transform into a little person. These girls are so full of life and energy. Just like any other toddler they spend their days running outside, riding their scooters, exploring and getting dirty, playing with their Polly Pockets and snuggle with their mama. These girls and this family is a living and thriving testimony of God’s love and promises. Two years ago no one would be able to imagine what their lives look like today. It brings tears to my eyes to think about where these girls would be and what their lives would look like if God did not intervene.

Kacey and Kenzy may look similar to you at first, but they are becoming two very different people. They both could live off of Pringles if their mama would let them. They both are great snugglers. Throughout their day they tend to take a quick snuggle break and just hop into the lap of whoever is closest. If you were to just meet these girls and they hopped into your lap you might claim that they are trying to pinch you, but I promise they aren’t intending to hurt you. One of their little things they do to comfort themselves is find the fattiest part of your body and pinch it between their fingers. They both love to wear dresses just like a princess and if all their favorite dresses are in the laundry they love just running naked.

Kacey is very articulate and verbal. She is able to verbalize what her wants and needs are, and she will interpret for her sister. She will tell you what exactly her sister needs or wants even if Kenzy doesn’t say anything. She uses her words to be protective of someone who she thinks is getting hurt. One day I had Lydia walking on my back in order to crack it and Kacey tried to push her off telling her to get off her Aunt Hannah. She is very protective of her sister and mama and always watching out for them. Kacey is a thinker. She thinks things through before she does them and will think through whatever you say to her. She is more outgoing than Kenzy although both will most likely latch onto your leg about 10 minutes after you meet them.

Kenzy is smaller in size than Kacey probably because she was a little sicker. She is a combination of mischief and happy-go-lucky with a free spirit. She repays her sisters protection with attempts to get under her skin. She is always getting into something and never fails to make a mess when she eats a meal, even though she usually just eats rice because she refuses to eat much else. If you are saying something she doesn’t want to hear she will “Shh” you and cover your mouth with her hand. Although she does try to get under her sister’s skin she is still very protective of her. If you are yelling at Kacey or if she feels like Kacey is hurt she will try and intervene. Although she is not as verbal as Kacey if she wants something she will let you know.

Both girls have touched my hearts in very unique ways and I am so thankful that God let our paths intersect.

“None of our lives will ever be the same, no matter how this turns out.” –Robin Nail

While Robin was in her home with the two girls when they  first entered into her life and they began considering adoption she said to herself, “The choices we make over these next few months will determine whether or not these girls will be fetching water and sticks every day or driving a mini-van through a drive-thru in 30 years.”

There is such a big contrast between our daily lives in the states and the lives of Kenyans. You could’ve been born anywhere-Nepal, Peru, Kenya. You could be facing any number of challenges in your life- starvation, abandonment, unemployment, anything. I know I say this often but I feel like I don’t have words to describe how good we actually have it in the United States- one of the richest countries in the world.

It all started with a chicken pooping all over the floor of the car…

Kacey at 15 months

Kacey and Kenzy first entered into Robin and Cary’s life at 15 months old on the 23^rd of June in 2011.  Kacey weighed less than 8lbs and Kenzy weighed no more than 4lbs. Neither of the girls had hair, both were severely malnourished, and both were diagnosed with failure to thrive. Kacey had 4 teeth and Kenzy had 2. In case you are unfamiliar with child development, at 15 months children should have a full set of teeth. Kenzy was severely dehydrated, had pneumonia, and had sores on in the inside of her mouth as well as one on her lip that flies swarmed around. Kenzy was very close to death.

Kenzy at 15 months

When their grandmother dropped them off she claimed she would be back for them in two weeks. She told Robin and Cary that the father was unknown since the mother had been in a large city when she got pregnant. Their mother had died of malaria when the girls were just 3 months old. The grandmother already had trouble keeping herself fed and was left with two 3 month old babies to feed and no source of income. After the girls had been with Robin and Cary for a couple weeks the grandmother had given them a chicken. In Africa, livestock is a sign of wealth, giving away one her chickens was a pretty big deal. Robin has a vivid image in her head of her holding Kenzy in the car while the chicken pooped all of the floor. It was just one of the moments in the midst of chaos that you just have to throw back your head and giggle at everyday life living in Africa.

After three weeks Robin and Cary went to find the grandmother and that is when she told them that she couldn’t care for them. She told them that the girls would die on her.

In August 2011, they brought the girls and their family to talk to the District Children’s Officer about the situation. The DCO was not supportive of Robin and Cary adopting the girls at all, despite the evidence of extremely poor health conditions due to living with the grandmother with no resources or assistance. Robin and Cary explained to the family that they needed to be able to come and go to Kenya since as missionaries they would need to go back to US periodically and fundraise.  The family was very supportive of the Nail Family adopting them, but the adoption system in Kenya is difficult at best.

By September 2011, Cary had returned to the states with their daughter, Katie, to raise support while Robin stayed in Kenya with the girls. For the first few months she lived in Migori (village they were serving in and village the girls were from) by herself with the babies. Life was hard. If it didn’t rain they didn’t have water. They had to call a taxi to get into town to get any kind of supplies, but if it rained the roads were too bad to drive into town. Also, being a muzungu (white visitor) traveling alone with two babies was not safe. Robin was blessed with the opportunity to move to Tenwek Mission Hospital around Thanksgiving of 2011, where Cary would be volunteering when he returned.

Cary returned from the states mid-December 2011 and that same month they traveled to visit the grandmother with a translator (also close friend) Leila, they asked the grandmother and the translator both if they would be open to travel to America with them. When they went to immigration (which was an all-day ordeal), they spent the weeks before on top of all day filling out paper work and talking to many different people. At the end of the day the grandmother was asked to go into the interview room with just the two girls. The girls did not appreciate being separated from their mother and cried until they were reunited, because to them this elderly woman was a stranger. They told the man in charge that they were attempting to raise awareness as to how many grandmothers are faced with this situation and challenge to raise their grandchildren with little to no support or income. Robin would truly like to raise awareness of this situation. In the village where Robin in Cary served, Migori, it seems as if there is a whole generation missing due to AIDS. This generation is not only missing in Kenya, but all over Africa there are children being raised by the grandparents due to the AIDS epidemic. After weeks of paperwork and interviews, many headaches, and the long process of getting the grandmother’s birth certificate they were all denied passports. The Lord had closed that door on them, but we serve a God of relentless love and provision and he would soon open another door. 

By the end of January Robin realized that they were going to have to choose a different route. She was given no other option other than return to the states (while Cary stayed in Kenya with the girls) to complete an international adoption home study. She told me that this was probably one of the hardest things she had every done in her whole life, leave the girls at such a young age. On their flight back they flew through Ethiopia and on that flight were dozens of families that had just completed the adoption process. As much joy as she felt for these new forever families she felt her heart in her stomach as she longed to be with her babies. Her daughter flew back with her and told her, “You can cry until we get to Washington, but then you have to get it together.” Robin wrote Joshua 1:9 onto her heart by repeating to herself over and over again on the flight home.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

By February 7, 2012 she had an address and a job and was able to fill out all the adoption papers that same evening. She continued working and trying to stay busy in the states while their home study was being completed. Meanwhile Cary was also keeping himself busy working at Tenwek hospital and being with the two girls that were almost 2 by now. In May, Cary got a phone call from a Pastor in their village who told him a representative from their adoption agency was there to talk to the grandmother. According to the Pastor and another good friend of theirs, this social worker who the international adoption agency had hired, was trying to talk the grandmother and other family members out of giving the twins up and attempted to guilt trip her. Their pastor told Cary, “She is evil” since he had been in some of the meetings.

They thought they had passed this speed bump on April 4^th, 2012 when their uncle signed them off as a representative of the family. Unfortunately the agency in Kenya claimed they would not accept this because he was not the right family member to be signing off on them- they needed the grandmother’s brother in law (brother to the deceased husband) to sign off as a representative of the family. In mid-July of 2012 they received a letter that they were to report to court to surrender the girls. When Robin heard this she panicked, quit her job, and immediately hopped on a plane back to Kenya. At this point in time she didn't know how much time she had left with her daughters. When Robin got to Kenya, Cary returned to the states to save money for the adoption just to be secure with finances since they did not know what the future would hold as far as welcoming two little girls into their forever family and the cost of completing an international adoption. After lots of grief they finally attended this meeting in early August of 2012, where they were told that they were supposed to surrender the girls.

Robin packed a bag for her girls and left her house that morning not knowing if she would be returning with them. During the whole meeting, with tears flowing, Robin just kept thinking to herself, “I am going to lose these girls today.” The DCO was in attendance and was still very against the adoption. He told the family that the American family would adopt these girls, take them to America, and you will never see them again. After a lot of conversation and heartache the family left the room to discuss the decision. They came back in and said, “We want Robin and Cary to adopt them.” The family signed the girls off but Robin and Cary did not get legal custody. Where does that leave these girls if their adoption isn’t approved? Robin believes it will be approved but until they hear an official answer she has chosen to trust in the Lord and enjoy the time she has with the girls. 

“It will be a miracle if this adoption is approved, but I serve a God with unfailing love and I believe in miracles.” -Robin

After the family signed over the girls they had to fill out and resubmit all their adoption papers, they had to be re-stamped and notarized all over again and their home study was reviewed for the first time in October 2012. If you know someone who has gone through an international adoption process or even a domestic one you understand what a headache all the paperwork is and what it is like to work through the process with people from a different culture that have a very different perception of time. If you didn't know someone before, now you do. I couldn't  even if I tried, explain all the details and road blocks they faced during the adoption process. They were met with many silly, insignificant obstacles as the future lives of these girls were just dangling. By Christmas 2012, they had all their paperwork submitted and finalized and they finally were able to submit their dossier in January of 2013. Since January they have been playing the waiting game while Robin lives life in Kenya with the girls and Cary is back in the states working to save money. As you can imagine this is hard on both of them, but what else can they do?

Their case was supposed to be heard soon after they submitted their dossier. They would find out the final decision a few weeks after the court heard their case. Unfortunately, there were complications (as usual.) They dropped off their dossier in January, but the court didn't receive their payment until after the February meeting. (The committee only meets monthly) Then when the March meeting rolled around in the middle of the month they were backed up so their case hearing was postponed again. When April rolled around and they were anticipating their case to be heard another difficulty arose. Apparently the adoption agency they were using in the states had let its license expire with Kenya, so before their case could be heard the agency had to renew their license. This added on another month. Supposedly their case has been heard this month, June 2013, but they will not be given an official answer for the next couple weeks. Throughout this whole process Robin, Cary, and their family have had no other option but to trust the Lord and gives their worries and stress to him. They have been faithfully serving Him throughout this whole process.

Kacey (left) and Kenzy just a few weeks after being in the care of the Nail family
Already looking happier and healthier!!
July 2011

Please lift them up in your prayers over the next few weeks as they await a final decision and find out if these sweet little girls will be a part of this special family forever. These girls have been such a blessing to me, the Bemm family and especially Robin, Cary and their family. The story of how God saved their lives and entrusted them into the hands of these missionaries has forever touched my heart. Following their story through their adoption process and how faithfully they have trusted the Lord has encouraged me to not rely on my own strength and my own will, but to trust in God’s strength to withhold me and His plan for my life.

Understanding international adoption and the Hague Convention:

This is an international agreement to safeguard inter-country adoptions. The Hague Adoption Convention applies to all adoptions between the United States and the other counties that have joined it. It aims to prevent the abduction, sale of, or traffic in children, and it works to ensure that inter-country adoptions are in the best interests of children. Under this convention families may not pre-know or hand pick the children they plan to adopt. That is part of the reason Robin and Cary’s adoption process has been so tedious. While the purpose of this treaty has been to prevent child trafficking, unfortunately it has had some negative side effects on countries who have joined it. Many countries have added ten years to the adoption process leaving many children stuck in orphanages until they age out of the program. When children are left to age out of the program this often leads to very high rates of prostitution, drug hustle, and unemployment.

I hope you will keep these sweet girls and their family in your daily prayers and I will keep you posted on the final decision. Their hopeful that the rest of the adoption will go smoothly and their case will be approved. Their short term plan is to hopefully be home by Christmas and spend a year or two in the states stabilizing their family and praying and figuring out their next step.

Kenzy and Kacey lovin on each other